


A land unknown

by demon_dean



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29551791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demon_dean/pseuds/demon_dean
Summary: "Obi-Wan! Thank the Force, I was afraid they would keep us apart forever! I had to sneak a key from one of the guards just like you taught me and then I sliced their sytem and…" The younger man didn’t get any further as Ben Kenobi scowled at him and urgently whispered:"Who the fuck are you?!"
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 9
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I am new to the fandom and not a native speaker so all mistakes are my own.

Ben wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep but he must have, because the sudden click of the door opening startled him awake. He gasped for breath, the taste of smoke and sand still lingering in his mouth, body tense as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he remembered where he was. 

_The mental hospital._

He took another breath, trying to suppress his panic and staring at the blank white all opposite to him. Whoever his mystery visitor was, he wasn't speaking, choosing to instead close the door without turning on the light. Well this was unusual. Ben couldn’t help himself as he prepared for a battle.

"Master? Master? Are you awake?" Came the small panicked whisper behind his back and this was definitely not what he had been expecting from a stranger sneaking into his room in the middle of the night. 

"Master, please, you need to wake up. You need to help me… we are trapt here!" Came the same voice again, now right next to his shoulder before careful fingers brushed his arm. Ben decided to confront his strange visitor by sharply sitting up and turning to face him, body coiled like a spring to defend himself if need be. The streetlights from outside illuminated the room in a faint orange glow and he could just make out the tall frame and hopeful face of a young man. 

"Obi-Wan! Thank the Force, I was afraid they would keep us apart forever! I had to sneak a key from one of the guards just like you taught me and then I sliced their sytem and…" The younger man didn’t get any further as Ben Kenobi scowled at him and urgently whispered: _"Who the fuck are you?!"_

"Ma.. Master? You don’t remember me? You don’t know who I am?" The young man spoke, this time his voice trembling and eyes becoming suspiciously shiny.

Ben gave him a long appraising look, trying to figure out if he had ever seen him before. His eyes adjusting to the low light and more awake he realized just how young the stranger actually was. God, he must have been what -- eighteen? Nineteen? The boy had curly hair falling down to his shoulders, his eyes dark in the low light but still so expressive and his full lips were tilted down in a frown. A dark scar ran over his right eye, breaking the illusion of innocence. 

No, Ben was absolutely sure he would have remembered if he had seen that face before. The stranger wore the same simple patient pajamas in blue as he did, feet bare and one hand tucked protectively under the other across his chest. 

"No, I have no idea who you are. Now you really need to explain to me what the fuck are you doing here in the middle of the night and why the hell do you keep calling me _master_?!" Ben demanded in an angry whisper, agitated but too curious to risk alerting the staff.

"I.. I am Anakin. Your.. We are Jedi knights. Don’t you really remember any of it?!" The man, Anakin, insisted, searching Ben’s eyes. Finding no recognition there, he took a quick step forward, obviously not aware or uncaring he was invading into the other’s personal space. And that was a mistake. A big one.

In a second Ben’s lizard brain and training took over and he wrestled Anakin violently to the ground, trying to incapacite him. _Neutralise the threat._ Well that's easier said than done, as the other was shocked still only for a brief moment, before countering with a punch at his ribs and making a broken sound like a wounded animal. 

"Get away from me! _I’ll fucking kill you!_ " Anakin hissed between his teeth, breaths fast and desperate as he tried to push Ben off of him. There was so much fear in his words and face it broke the spell and the older man rolled away from him, panting to himself as he tried to understand what had just happened. 

"Ana..." He didn’t get any further, before the younger man launched at him, this time all determination and his fist connecting with Ben’s jaw so hard it threw his head back. 

"You don’t touch me! I’m a person and my name is Anakin!" His attacker now yelled, getting to his feet, still shaking with adrenaline and anger. 

At that moment they both could hear the footsteps outside the door, brief shout and then the sound of it being unlocked.

"I… I am sorry." Ben mumbled, still unsure of what exactly had happened but seeing the other man so distressed was making him feel like an utter asshole. 

The bright lights of the room switched on and two orderlies came rushing inside, one of them facing Anakin and the other came to stand by Ben. 

After them came running a young woman in a white lab coat with a needle in her hand and a concerned look on her face.

"Oh, what are you _doing here_ , Skyguy?" She sighed and gave Ben a quick glance before continuing towards the other patient. 

"I… He… He…" Anakin tried but failed to form any words, still shaking. 

"Shh. Relax. I'll give you this and it will help," she explained holding up her hand with the needle to him.

"He… why doesn’t he remember me? I need to know why, I need to fix this! Fix this whole mess." Anakin whispered, eyes staring unseeing at a point on the floor, while the young woman administered the drug to him.  
"You may take him to his room now." she then nodded at the blond orderly -- Rex was his name Ben believed -- and the man carefully walked Anakin out. 

The woman turned to Ben with a sigh and a frown: "Sorry about that. He means well but he can be unpredictable. Violent. I am sorry he managed to disturb you. Are you all right?"

Ben just nodded, reading the nametag and adding out loud: "I am fine Dr.Tano. I just… He seemed so sure he knew me."

The woman looked torn, obviously considering if and what she could share about her patient.  
"He has severe delusions. He lives in his own head, oftentimes giving the staff or other patients backstories and roles in that fantasy world as it is his coping mechanism." She explained, looking weary and almost sad. "Now please do try to catch some sleep, mr Kenobi and again -- I am terribly sorry. If you wish to make an official complaint…"

"No, that won’t be necessary, everything is fine. Good night." Ben shook his head, sitting down on his bed heavily as the doctor left the room with the other orderly and switched off the light.

Sitting in the dark he wondered what the hell had just happened and if somebody was staying with Anakin to make sure he was all right. He cursed under his breath, understanding that even though he knew the young man was, well, frankly _batshit crazy,_ he still couldn’t help but to feel compassion for him. Those hurt and haunted eyes. He knew them all too well, had seen them on countless faces on the battlefield. It was PTSD. Anakin had PTSD and that meant something awful must have happened to that young man to land him in the psychiatric ward before his adult life had even begun. 

"Fuck. I must have scared him or triggered him or…" He considered in a whisper as he rubbed his aching jaw. 

_You are a failure, Ben Kenobi, and always will be._ He bitterly reminded himself as he curled up into a tight ball on the bed, the loneliness and despair making him wish he could just fade away. He had let down his men and now he had let down a boy who didn't even understand how the real world worked. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A reality is just what we tell each other it is. Sane and insane could easily switch places, if the insane were to become the majority. You would find yourself locked in a padded cell, wondering what happened to the world.“ -- In The Mouth Of Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned this as a one shot but the charcters continued speaking so here we are...

Ben hadn't been able to fall asleep after his mysterious visitor the previous night and now he was both tired and anxious as he knew he has a meeting with Doctor Windu coming up. 

Lucky for him it was Cody who was sent to wake him. The orderly had been quite wary around him at first but once Ben saw his tattoo and asked about where he had served they found a sort of mutual understanding. They both knew very well Ben could cause a lot of trouble if he wanted to and Cody seemed thankful he chose not to, treating him with as much respect and comradery as their circumstances allowed. 

“Morning, sir.” Cody greeted him cheerfully, before becoming more serious and walking closer to the bed when the other man just remained lying where he was. 

“Kenobi? You good?” He questioned as he crouched down next to the bed and then he saw the bruising on the man's jaw, mumbling a curse under his breath.

“Jesus. I already heard there had been an incident last night and that crazy Skywalker kid broke in but I didn't know he attacked you!” Cody almost growled and Ben just shook his head.

“It was not his fault. I charged first. He was just protecting himself and confused. Please… Don't be mad at him.” Ben spoke, eyes pleading.

“Fine. But I do need you to get up now to get showered and meet with Windu.” Cody sighed. 

Ben grit his teeth and gathered last remaints of his willpower to push away his blanket. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to face another day. It was all pointless. Only postponing the inevitable.

“Come on. Please don´t make me call someone. I need you to work with me, Kenobi.” Cody sighed, seeing the signs and realizing today was not a good day.

Ben managed to get himself sitting and he stared at his feet, trying to remember when he's body had become so weak. 

“You… You said his name was Skywalker?” His brain finally found something to latch onto. He knew it didn't make any sense but he somehow found it easier to think about the young man than his own miserable existence. 

It took Cody only a moment to think before he seemed to catch on that Ben was looking for information and actually took interest in something. “Yeah. Skywalker is his name alright. He's some sort of a prodigy, really smart but unfortunately just as disturbed.” 

He now smiled at Ben, winking. “Not that I wouldn't love to chat some more but we have to be at Windu´s office by 8.30. So how about a quick shower?”

Ben nodded, getting to his feet and accepting the toiletries and a new change of pajamas Cody had brought with him. To shower they had to walk a bit down the corridor to the communal bathrooms bundled there and Ben felt his heart beating as he scanned the corridor and clutched his possessions closer to his chest. 

“It's all right. I will put a hand on your shoulder now. I have your back, no one can sneak up on us.” Cody nodded as he stepped beside him and shielded the shorter man from the open space. 

Ben felt the muscles in his shoulder twitch at the other's touch but then he relaxed a bit as he acknowledged Cody was not a threat, he was a soldier like him and would make sure they were safe. 

Once they reached the small corridor with bathrooms, Ben stepped into one of them and left the door adjar. He knew according to the rules the orderly was supposed to be in there with him but after a time it had become an unspoken promise that he could get this small time for himself if he didn’t try anything stupid. 

He sighed and placed the bundle of clothing on the edge of the sink, forcing himself to meet his eyes in the mirror. God, he looked awful. Hollow cheeks and his long hair and beard making him look like a hermit. His skin was even paler than usual from the lack of any sun and his eyes were bloodshot. It was hard for him to accept he was actually looking at himself, the once well kept appearance gone like the rest of his life.

He sighed and slipped out of his clothes, stepping under the showerhead and making the water run as hot as he could bear. 

_He had nothing left. He was no longer the man he had been. Why was he even still alive?_ The dark thoughts swirling around in his head kept pushing in on him. 

“Two minutes, sir.” Came a knock and Cody´s voice at the door.

He was still treating Ben with respect and humanity and it made him feel humbled. If for nothing else, he would get through this day to not to get Cody into trouble. And maybe, just maybe, he could see if anyone would tell him how Skywalker was doing. 

“Mr Kenobi, nice to see you.” Dr. Windu nodded, his face as impassive as always. 

Ben gave him a tight lipped smile and a nod of acknowledgement sitting on the chair opposite to him and tucking one leg under himself. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” Windu continued, shuffling the papers in his lap.

“Fine.” Ben lied as he knew that as the answer the doctor was looking for.

“Hmm… Well your… _Friend_ , Mr. Jinn has been requesting we move you to a room with lower security. How do you feel about that?”

Ben swallowed and shifted a bit in his chair, feeling his chest hurt. Qui-Gon was really the only one he had left out there and he knew the older man was worried about him. He had been coming to see him every week and saying things like _Once you get out of here…_

Ben was sick and tired of being watched all the time, of having someone hover over him. He knew it would be better on a lower security ward. The only problem was, he would have to pretend to be doing better to be kept there. 

“Well. I… I would like that.” He offered, smoothing the the blue fabric over his knees.

“M-mm…” Mace Windu hummed and gave him a long look. “I told Mr.Jinn that I am willing to try it but only if you take better care of yourself and start regularly eating without prompting. As it is, you are barely getting enough nutrients and I won´t risk your health no matter how well behaved you have been.”

“I understand. I promise I will eat regularly and won't give you any trouble.” Ben nodded.

For the next half an hour he almost maged to shut off his brain as Dr.Windu kept going on and on over the same old empty slogans. _You need to regulate your emotions. What happened was not your fault. You need to try and find your inner balance. You did your duty and the country is thankful to you._

When their session finally ended, Ben felt exhausted but managed to plasterer on a neutral expression, thanking the other man before taking his exit.

Cody was waiting for him outside, chatting to one of the nurses, before smiling: “So I hear you are moving? Let me help you get your things to the new room. It’s on the third floor -- nice view to the gardens!” 

He seemed genuinely happy and excited Ben was getting moved to a lower security ward so the other man just let him take the lead and help pack few of his meager belongings. It was mostly books Qui-Gon had brought him and Ben clutched the box while Cody guided him through the hallways and up a few stairs. There were more people out now so by the time they reached his new room, Ben was slightly hyperventilating and his palms were sweaty.

He sat down on the bed and nodded thankfully, when Cody closed the blinds a bit and explained to him where everything was. 

Finally the orderly nodded: “Your room won't be locked during the day here. You’ll be free to move around. You wont have me or someone else hanging around all the time, so do try to behave and not give the nurses any grief. Head nurse Yoda runs a tight ship on this floor, you do not want to get on her bad side.” 

Cody smiled. “Well I will get you your breakfast and meds. Windu wants you to start going to eat with everyone else but I think he´ll forgive since it's your first day here and all.”

Ben barely managed to keep himself from dozing while he waited for Cody to return and he didn´t really feel like eating but he forced himself to chew and swallow as much of the food as he could. 

“Nice work. Kenobi. Now I'll leave you to it. Lunch is at 13.00. The nurses station is up the corridor to your left, all right? If you need anything just ask them.”

“Cody… Thank you.” Ben smiled, genuinely thankful and relieved to be given more freedom and the other man gave him a nod and smile in return, before he left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

After he was left to his own devices, Ben had a nice long nap and waking from it he felt more rested and relaxed. That was until he heard slight shuffling on the chair closest to his bed and when he propped himself up on his elbows he could see none other than the young man from last night sitting there and furiously typing away on a phone. 

“I thought phones weren’t allowed in here.” Ben frowned, unsure what to make of the whole situation. He sat up on the bed and rubbed a hand over his face. 

“They aren't. This one is illegal.” Anakin explained looking a bit guilty for a moment. “I could get you one as well, if you’d like.” He offered after a brief hesitation with a grin and Ben just stared at him.

“Uh look, Skywalker? About last night -- I’m sorry. I didn't mean to provoke you, I… I have some… You shouldn’t approach me without warning, my training just kicked in… Fuck, it’s hard to explain. I was in…”

“In the war? In the Clone Wars? I know. No need to explain it to me, master. And I acted out of line as well, sorry about that.” Anakin quietly answered and finally raised his gaze to meet Ben’s.

The older man had already opened his mouth to protest that he had been in no Clone Wars but the intense and hopeful blue in Skywalker’s eyes made him hesitate. He remembered what Dr. Tano had told him the night before -- delusions were his uninvited guests way of coping with life. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, still needing to say something not to encourage the other's fantasies further.

“I am not him you know. Your… Master. I am Ben Kenobi.” He offered his hand and watched Anakin stare at it for a moment, before the other reached out and shook it. 

“Anakin Skywalker and I´m sorry I got us in this mess. It's because of me you don't remember who you are.” Anakin sighed, obviously angry and upset. 

Ben frowned as he could feel raised skin under his fingertips and looking down he realized Anakin’s right hand was rather scarred and mangled looking. He felt oddly protective as the more he learned about the young man, the worse it seemed to get. 

“So… Skywalker.” He tried to smile, releasing the hand and leaning back against the wall. “You seem to have quite the story. Mind me asking what you are typing?” 

“Uh… I'm talking to someone... Padme? Senator Amidala?” He offered, clearly hoping Ben would recognize the names but the older man just shook his head. 

Anakin looked defeated again and Ben cursed himself for caring so much about it all. 

“Well… I was about to read a book so if you don't mind you can stay here for a while.” He offered, taking in the other man’s bare feet and how he curled in on himself. Skyalker was obviously cold and a little uncomfortable on the chair. 

Ben bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to act before he could overthink it. 

“C’mon. Up on the bed.” He patted the bed covers as far away from himself as possible and after a quick hesitation Anakin moved over to that spot, sticking his bare feet under the corner of the blankets and looking relieved. He sat curled up, making himself as small as possible and Ben rose to fetch one of his books. On top of the box of his belongings he spotted the sweater Qui-Gon had given him and Ben picked it up, taking it back with him. He smiled at his guest, handing the sweater over and making an encouraging motion with his hand. 

Anakin quickly snuggled into it, looking pleased and eyes half lidded as he leaned back against the wall and typed another response on his phone. 

Ben tried to tear his eyes away and focus on the book but he couldn’t deny having some volunteering company felt nice. A comfortable silence settled between them and he was not surprised when Anakin started softly snoring at some point. Maybe he had trouble sleeping as well after everything he´d been through, the older man mused, tucking the blanket a little higher around his sleeping guest. 

They both missed lunch and Ben didn't really care but fifteen minutes later there was a knock on the door and an ancient looking nurse with the name tag “Yoda” poked her head inside with a tray of food. She made a disapproving sound upon spotting Anakin and grunted to Ben: “Eat, you must.” 

Ben was about to argue when he remembered his promise to Dr.Windu and more importantly to Cody. _No trouble._ Keep your head down or they will lock you in a padded cell. 

“All right. I'm sorry. Thank you.” He politely nodded as she placed the tray on the bedside table. 

She gave one more death glare to Anakin but then left without any more comments. 

Anakin in turn yawed after she had exited the room and blinked at Ben: “Leave it to Yoda to ruin the mood.”

Ben settled back down with his book and Anakin reached for the tray, placing it on the bed between the two of them. 

“There’s enough food here for both of us. Dig in!” The younger man enthusiastically claimed and gave his partner an expectant look. 

“I’m fine, Anakin. You go ahead.” Ben nodded, hoping that would be it but of course the other man had to be stubborn and bright enough to see through his dismissal.

“Hey. I know this sucks but you must eat, Obi-Wan. I am here now -- I will take care of you. I will figure out how to get us back home, I promise.” Anakin solemnly nodded, looking again so guilty and tormented Ben felt a bit scared to even dig further. He should have corrected his name or dismissed it all but instead he let his problem solving nature get the better of him.

“You… You keep telling this is somehow your fault? But why Anakin, what do you think you did?” He inquired, keeping his voice as soft as possible. 

“I fell... I fell to the dark side.” Came the barely audible whisper in reply and Anakin was staring at the blankets as if meeting Ben’s gaze was too painful. After a moment the younger man sighed and explained: “It was chancellor Palpatine. He had been grooming me to become his apprentice ever since I was nine years old. I had no idea. I trusted him. I trusted him to help me.” He swallowed and dared a quick look up at Ben. “I betrayed the Jedi for a chance to save my wife but as soon as I did I understood it was wrong. They wanted me to murder the younglings and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t! I am not a monster…” 

Anakin made a choked noise and wiped at his eyes, while Ben tried to make sense of all he had just said. The name Palpatine was familiar -- wasn’t he the head of the hospital? So the name Anakin had obviously “borrowed” from there but the rest of the things he was saying were rather disturbing -- grooming and wanting him to kill children?! Could there have been any truth to it all? Or was it a metaphor?

His rational mind was telling him to send his guest back to his room and try to gather more information from Cody but his heart hurt seeing how Anakin believed he had done something horrible and that Ben would be angry with him for it. 

“Anakin… It’s alright.” Ben whispered and very slowly and carefully reached out to pat his knee. 

Anakin became stiff under his touch but then relaxed and looked relieved, giving him a small nod in response. 

Ben took a deep calming breath as Qui-Gon had always taught him and focused on the task at hand. 

“You need to eat as well. Let’s enjoy this meal together.” He suggested, nudging one of the bowls closser to Anakin. 

“All right.” Anakin nodded but didn’t start before the other had had his first bite. 

“Fuck, I wish they served decent tea here!” Ben grumbled as he sniffed at the darkish liquid in his mug but ended up drinking all of it anyway.

They both ate in relative silence, Anakin obviously lost in thought and Ben trying to force himself to take some pleasure in the food, rather than seeing it as something he didn’t really deserve. 

“Oh, Kriff. I must go.” Anakin growled as he checked his phone at the end of their meal and Ben felt an odd sort of longing to ask him to stay. Well that was ridiculous. He instead grunted his affirmative and watched as Skywalker rushed out the door.

It took Ben a couple of minutes to realize that the other man had been wearing his sweater as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes -- Anakin Skywalker needs a hug. Kudos and comments make my day. :)


End file.
